In the quiet moments of a Nigerian night, when the bustling sounds of Lagos or Abuja fade, a familiar question often surfaces: Am I truly ready for a new relationship, or am I just tired of being alone? This internal debate, as explored by Anna Ajayi on 05 January 2026, is a universal human experience, yet one we seldom address with honesty.
The Thin Line Between Longing and Loneliness
Desiring companionship is not a weakness; it is a fundamental part of being human. However, the uncomfortable truth many avoid is that the craving is sometimes not for love itself, but for relief. It is a search for relief from silence, from overthinking, and from the feeling of being left behind as friends and acquaintances on social media soft-launch their relationships or get engaged.
A poignant example shared involves a friend who believed she was ready after completing all the post-breakup rituals: the crying, journaling, and social media unfollowing. She performed the act of being fine perfectly. Yet, her realisation later was stark: she was not healed and ready; she was simply exhausted by solitude. These two states—readiness and fatigue—can look dangerously similar.
Key Signs You Might Not Be Ready
How can you tell if your desire is rooted in readiness or mere loneliness? Several indicators can serve as a guide for Nigerian singles navigating these complex feelings.
When a relationship feels like a solution to a problem: If you start viewing a partnership not as a journey to grow into with someone, but as a direct fix for the emptiness you feel, it is a major red flag. This often manifests in reopening old chat threads with ex-partners or entertaining conversations you lack genuine energy for, not out of true interest, but from a fear of being alone.
When you are still comparing new people to your past: True readiness means the past no longer occupies the driver's seat. If you find yourself measuring every new potential partner against an ex, looking for them to correct old wrongs or fit a familiar, perhaps painful, pattern, you are likely carrying unresolved baggage.
The Ultimate Test: Choosing Peace Over Possibility
Perhaps the clearest sign of emotional readiness is the newfound ability to walk away from situations that are not fulfilling. When you are ready, you stop bargaining with your standards. You understand that temporary loneliness is preferable to the long-term scar of a mismatched partnership.
This stage is marked by a powerful shift: you begin to choose peace over mere possibility. You can confidently say, "This isn't enough for me," and mean it, even if it means returning to your own company.
So, What Should You Do?
If your introspection leads you to conclude that you are primarily tired of being alone, that is perfectly okay. There is no need for shame. However, it should be a signal to slow down, not speed up your search. It is a cue to get radically honest about what you are truly craving.
Sometimes, the answer is not a romantic relationship. It might be rest, deeper community with friends and family, or the practice of enjoying your own company without judgment. Genuine readiness for love feels less like desperate longing and more like open-hearted trust. It is a state of being where you are not seeking someone to complete you or help you escape from yourself.
Remember, if you are not there yet, you are not behind. Authentic connection has a way of arriving when you are grounded in your own wholeness, not when you are using another person as an emotional life raft.
