Chelsea icon John Terry has made a startling and emotional revelation about the severe mental anguish he suffered following his infamous penalty miss in the 2008 UEFA Champions League final.
The Night That Haunted a Legend
The former England captain, now 45, disclosed that in the immediate aftermath of the final in Moscow, he was pushed to the brink of suicide. Terry's crucial slip and missed spot-kick against Manchester United proved decisive, as the Red Devils went on to win the shootout at the Luzhniki Stadium.
In a raw and honest conversation on the podcast of Reece Mennie, Terry described returning to the team hotel and confronting his despair alone. He found himself on the 25th floor, staring out the window and wrestling with overwhelming thoughts of ending his life.
A Window of Despair and a Lifeline from Teammates
"Looking back, I would have loved at that time to have spoken to someone," Terry confessed. He recounted the haunting moment: "I remember after the game, we all went back to the hotel, and I was on the 25th floor in Moscow, and I'm just looking out the window, just going, 'Why? Why?'"
While he clarified he was not certain he would have acted, the former defender admitted the dark thoughts were pervasive. "I'm not saying if I had that opportunity that you'd jump, but you know things go through your head at that particular time," he said.
Thankfully, his Chelsea teammates intervened. They came to his room and led him away from the window, taking him downstairs. Terry reflected on the fragility of that moment, stating, "It's those moments that you have the 'what if?' You just never know, do you."
The Long Shadow of a Missed Penalty
The trauma did not fade quickly. Terry revealed that meeting the victorious Manchester United players just days later with the England national team was "the worst thing ever." He even scored a rare header for England soon after, but it offered little solace.
"I ended up scoring... and just after that I was like, 'why couldn't I just swap that moment for that?'" he lamented.
Remarkably, Terry shared that the pain has lingered into his retirement. The absence of weekly football has made the memory more acute. "It's now that I'm retired, I've not got that focus of playing every week... that it really gets me. I still wake up middle of the night and go oh yeah it did happen, and I don't think that I'll ever go," he admitted, though he acknowledged the pain has softened over the years.
His redemption came four years later in 2012 when Chelsea finally won the Champions League, defeating Bayern Munich on penalties. However, Terry did not play in the final due to a suspension from a red card in the semi-finals, a bittersweet end to his personal quest for the trophy.
