A Nigerian man has sparked significant discussion by openly sharing his rationale for entering into a polygamous marriage, attributing his decision directly to what he describes as his first wife's excessive jealousy.
Man's Perspective on Polygamy and Marital Freedom
A B Rar, the individual at the center of this controversy, explained that his first wife's jealousy reached what he termed "another level." He asserted that she began to perceive him not as a partner but as her personal possession, leading to constant scrutiny and demands for explanations regarding his activities.
In response to this dynamic, Rar decided to marry a second wife. He framed this action as a strategic move to "balance things" within his household. According to his account, this decision initially provoked anger from his first wife, but she ultimately had no choice but to accept the new woman into their union.
"I now have my freedom without too many questions and making explanations," Rar stated. He further elaborated on his belief system, advising, "Women should just accept this reality that men are polygamous in nature." His comments were made in the context of an online discussion where another man complained about his wife snooping through his phone, suggesting Rar sees his situation as a common marital issue.
Expert Critique from a Marriage Therapist
The man's justification did not go unchallenged. Shamseddin Giwa, a marriage therapist, offered a pointed rebuttal to Rar's reasoning. Giwa argued that marrying a second wife specifically to counteract a first wife's jealousy is fundamentally flawed.
"I'm sorry but this doesn't add up," Giwa wrote. He acknowledged that jealousy is a natural human emotion that needs to be managed reasonably but insisted that using polygamy as a retaliatory tool is problematic. "You married another woman for the wrong reasons," he stated, suggesting that Rar should consider the second wife's feelings about being married primarily to manage another woman's jealousy.
Giwa also contested Rar's claim of newfound freedom. He proposed that what Rar perceives as freedom is actually a decline in emotional investment from his wives. "It is the gradual depreciation of how much attention they used to give you which should tell you they are training themselves to stop feeling anything for you," the therapist explained, framing this as a cause for concern rather than celebration.
Debating the Nature of Polygamy
The therapist concluded with a direct challenge to Rar's core assertion about male nature. "Finally, men are polygamous by choice, nature has nothing to do with it," Giwa asserted. He urged Rar to focus on accountability and responsibility within his marriages, advising him to take better care of his wives and begin making amends immediately, while wishing him the best in his marital journey.
This exchange highlights a broader cultural and personal debate in Nigeria regarding marriage structures, gender roles, and emotional dynamics within relationships, contrasting personal experience with professional relationship advice.
