In many African households, the arrival of a new baby brings joy but can also spark family tensions, particularly around who should provide care for the mother and child. Bishop Charles Ighele, drawing from his years of marriage and counseling ministry, addresses this sensitive issue with practical wisdom.
The Challenge of Conflicting Mothering Techniques
Bishop Ighele recounts a scenario where two mothers—the grandmothers of a newborn—arrived simultaneously to care for their daughter who had just given birth. Their differing approaches to mothering led to disagreements and quarrels, eventually causing their children to take sides. This situation highlights a common problem in many families, where well-intentioned help can turn into conflict.
Traditional Roles and Modern Realities
In numerous instances across Africa, the man, as the head of the home, often brings his mother to assist with postpartum duties. However, many wives find this arrangement uncomfortable or stressful. Bishop Ighele emphasizes that a woman who has recently given birth should not be burdened with serving others; instead, she needs to be served and supported during this vulnerable time.
Biblical Insights and Practical Solutions
Referencing the biblical story of Ruth and Naomi, Bishop Ighele points out that Naomi served as a nurse to Ruth's child, illustrating the ideal of a close, supportive relationship. He notes that Ruth could freely reject a meal from Naomi and request something different, indicating a level of comfort and trust that is crucial in postpartum care.
Bishop Ighele observes that few people have a relationship with their mother-in-law that is as close as the one they share with their own mother. Therefore, mothers-in-law may not always be in the best position to provide care, unless there is an exceptionally strong bond. They should typically be served rather than expected to serve in such intimate settings.
Choosing the Right Caregiver
The key, according to Bishop Ighele, is for the couple to invite someone with whom the nursing mother feels completely at ease. In most cases, this person is likely to be the woman's own mother. However, aunts or other close associates can also be suitable choices, provided the nursing mother is extremely comfortable with them.
Beyond these primary caregivers, other family members and friends can contribute by spending a few hours, a night, or a couple of days with the new parents. This allows for support without overwhelming the new mother or disrupting her recovery.
Conclusion: Prioritizing Comfort and Peace
Bishop Charles Ighele concludes that the postpartum period should be a time of rest and bonding, not stress and conflict. By carefully selecting caregivers based on the nursing mother's comfort level, families can ensure a smoother transition into parenthood and foster healthier relationships all around.
Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission in Lagos, Nigeria, and shares these insights from his extensive experience in counseling and family ministry.
