In my article last Sunday, I shared my personal experience of being blindly in love. After being sacked and enduring depression for about three days, my eyes were finally opened to the fact that I had been foolish. The signs that this girl would never make a good wife were abundant, but I chose to ignore them. It was only later that I realized if she had not ended the relationship, I would have married her and become one of the most miserable husbands on earth. I would have also failed to fulfill the destiny God had ordained for me. To this day, I remain grateful to God that even while I was still a sinner, He placed insurmountable roadblocks on my path; without them, I would have walked like a cow to the slaughter.
Common Mistakes Families Make
From my years as a marriage and family counselor, I have observed several approaches that families often use, but which are ineffective or even counterproductive.
The Soft Approach
Some people handle the matter like Samson’s parents, as seen in Judges 14:3. They merely ask, “Is there no other woman in the whole of Israel that you can pick to be a wife, apart from this pagan Philistine?” Samson, sensing their weakness, took advantage and replied, “Get her for me; for she pleases me well.”
The Harsh Approach
Another common tactic is to shout, scream, and threaten not to attend the wedding. Unfortunately, many blind lovers respond by eloping.
The Threatening Approach
A third method involves directly threatening the person with whom the loved one is infatuated, saying things like “Leave my son alone” or “Leave my daughter alone.” This often backfires. A young man became angry with his mother and family for harassing his “innocent” girlfriend. Just weeks ago in Ughelli, Delta State, Nigeria, a woman used this approach, leading to a fight that resulted in the accidental stabbing death of the girl’s mother.
What Should Be Done Instead?
So, what should be done for a blind, deaf, and mad lover? Parents and loved ones should individually or collectively commit the matter to deep and constant prayer and fasting, without tormenting the blind lover with quarrelsome words like, “We are praying and fasting for you. You will never marry him/her.” Pray and fast secretly, but at respectable intervals, sit the blind lover down and gently paint a picture of how the marriage is likely to be and how it might end. Make the person understand that you love them, but you hate to see them in a marriage filled with sorrow. I pray that your children’s marriages will bring joy to your life. Love you!
Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.
