Halima, the ex-wife of Bashir El-Rufai, son of former Kaduna State governor Nasir El-Rufai, has opened up about her divorce, single motherhood, and living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in a personal letter published on her Substack. The letter, titled Memoirs of a Single Nigerian Twin Mum with ADHD, details her reflections on marriage, love, and heartbreak.
Halima reveals lack of faith in marriage from the start
Halima disclosed that she became a single mother when her twin boys were two years old after her marriage ended in July 2024. She explained that she had little faith in marriage from the outset, despite remaining hopeful about love. "The truth is that I had never had much faith in marriage. I didn't grow up surrounded by enough examples that convinced me men were particularly safe places to put your heart," she wrote. "Somewhere inside me, I think I knew my marriage would end before it even began. Imagine entering a marriage already preparing for its funeral."
Heartbreak after falling in love again post-divorce
Despite her reservations about men and marriage, Halima said her strong belief in love made her open her heart again months after her divorce. However, the relationship ended in heartbreak, leaving her to reflect on a familiar saying about how men can stain a woman's white. "Then my marriage actually ended. And somehow, several months later, I fell in love again. Of course I did. For someone with so little faith in men, I have a ridiculous amount of faith in love. I trusted again. Hoped again. Imagined again. And got my heart broken again. There is a saying that men will stain your white," she wrote.
Halima's approach to embarrassment and moving forward
Using her love for white shirts as a metaphor, Halima explained that she does not allow embarrassment to define her. She said she prefers to confront difficult situations herself before anyone else gets the chance to use them against her. According to her, she can laugh at an embarrassing situation, fix what needs fixing, put her metaphorical white shirt back on, and move forward.
Bashir El-Rufai's previous statements on the divorce
Her reflection comes months after Bashir El-Rufai publicly addressed the end of their marriage. In a previous statement, Bashir attributed the divorce to what he described as his inability to deal with "Gen Z wahala." "Yes, I divorced my first wife (I have no time for Gen Z wahala)," he said. Bashir also claimed that he had never been the one to initiate romantic relationships, saying women usually made the first move. He said Halima was also the one who proposed marriage to him, adding that he had never used money in exchange for companionship. "I don't toast babes. Never have. It's not even about bragging rights or pride. Neither have I ever used money in exchange for companionship. Sometimes it's even years later that I discover one babe or another liked me. I can't tell. They make the first move. I also never asked a girl to marry me. Even my 1st she was the one who proposed. Not to impress anyone, but that's the fact," he had stated. Bashir married Halima, daughter of former Minister of Labour and Productivity Ibrahim Kazaure, in 2020. The couple have twin sons, whom Halima said were two years old when their marriage ended in July 2024.
