Bishop Charles Ighele, General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, addresses how to heal yourself when hurt, annoyed, or disappointed with your spouse. He notes that many people only know how to demand an apology or shout, but this approach signals immaturity in the marriage.
Early Marriage Experiences
In the early years of his marriage, Bishop Ighele relied on his wife Carol to hold him, rub his chest, and romance him to lift his spirits. Similarly, when Carol was upset, he would apologize in a way that made her laugh within seconds. However, there were times when both were hurt, leading to a stalemate.
Changing the Channel
The bishop suggests shifting focus from the hurtful incident to what he calls the 'Good Memory Bank.' This mental channel stores positive memories of your spouse—their kindness, love, sacrifices, and joyful moments. He emphasizes that unless your spouse is entirely heartless, they have likely brought you happiness 70 to 80 percent of the time.
By tuning into these positive recollections, negative feelings stop growing because you stop nursing them. He references Philippians 4:8, urging couples to think on whatever is pure, lovely, and good about their partner.
Practical Steps
- Identify the negative feeling caused by your spouse's action.
- Consciously switch your mind to a past positive memory involving your spouse.
- Dwell on that memory, allowing it to replace the hurt.
- Repeat this process whenever negative thoughts resurface.
Bishop Ighele concludes that this practice helps marriages mature and fosters deeper connection and forgiveness.
